The Terrible Threes

Yep, you read that right, The Terrible Threes. Parents of any child that is 3+ are nodding their heads with me on this one. Non-parents and parents of under threes are probably going, "What?! I've always heard of the Terrible Twos."

Three hit us hard in this household. Thankfully, we were prepared for it thanks to those "Just Wait 'Til" parents who said, "Just wait 'til she turns three. Three is worse than two." While I still don't like any statement that begins with that phrase (see this previous blog post), that advice did at least prepare us for what was to come.


You still get the falling-on-the-floor, crying tantrums, but you realize that at age two they were still a little cute. At three, well, some days kids make you just want to lock yourself in a room, simply because locking them in a room is frowned upon. My kid is just downright obstinate.

As frustrating as it can be, I came to the realization the other day that while at three the lows may be pretty low, but the highs are even higher. She may make me want to bash my head into the wall, but then I'll watch her on the playground chatting it up with new friends she's made and marvel at how just six months ago she would have only played near them. She may have spent most of her twos telling Daddy she only wanted Mommy, but now when Daddy comes home she runs into his arms and yells, "Daddy I LOVE you!" Yep, at three, the highs are pretty high.

TMI

Don't worry, I have no intention of sharing TMI (too much information, for those of you not down with the lingo) in this post, but I want to talk about people who do. What is it about being pregnant that makes women--sometimes strangers--feel compelled to tell you every gory detail of their pregnancies and, more specifically, their deliveries? I know some pregnant women devour this information, wanting to be prepared for every scenario that might possibly come up during their pregnancy and delivery, but I am not one of them. I trust my doctor and I trust modern medicine, so I would have been perfectly happy going into the delivery room fairly (not completely) oblivious to many of the scary, gross things that may happen during delivery.

Having a baby is one of the most beautiful, natural things in the world (well, the way most people do it), but delivering a baby, that's a different story. It's not pretty. So why women want to tell others stories that include things like episiotomies and pooping on a table is beyond me. Oh, and if you don't know what an episiotomy is, I won't tell you. Honestly, I wish no one ever told me. Do yourself a favor and DON'T Google it. Also, for all you camcorder-happy parents out there, no one wants to see the video of your child's birth. Not even your momma. My poor mom had to sit through one of these experiences before (and this was 20 years ago!). She told me, "I've had four kids. I know what it's like to have a baby!"

The way I see it, extricating a baby from your body, however and wherever it comes from, is an amazing, natural miracle. Kudos to women who go for the no drugs, grin-and-bear-it delivery. You are tough stuff. But I have to say, opting to have a baby in a birthing center, which in some cases is just a house with one of those blood pressure monitors you find at a CVS, is just plain stupid. As far as I know, they allow midwives and doulas in the hospital. If I'm having a baby and something goes wrong, I like knowing there's a doctor in the next room, not some hairy-pitted lady calling 911. What? You say women have been having babies at home since the dawn of time? Yes, and women used to die in childbirth all the time.

Three cheers for women whose birthing stories are as simple as, "I went into labor in the afternoon. We drove to the hospital, I labored for about six hours and out came little Suzy. It was one of the best days of my life!" That's all people need to know. If you start using phrases like, "The doctor reached in..." or words like cervical anything, stop yourself. That is TMI. Let your friends ask for details like that. Don't offer them.

I do love a good, funny birth story. It's important to keep your sense of humor in tense situations, but keep it clean. I'll never forget the image of my husband walking in during my daughter's birth. I was having a C-section and they FORGOT to go get him before they started the surgery! There was my tough guy, who was terrified he'd pass out during the delivery (and there was a very real possibility he would, considering his history), having to enter the room mid-surgery and walk completely around the operating table. He managed to keep his hand up, shielding him from seeing anything he'd consider TMI, without tripping on any tubes, cords or anything else. He was so relieved when he made it to his safe place at my side, behind the drape.

See how I did that? No gory details at all.

Catalog Flog

'Tis the season, I know, but to borrow a phrase from Jerry Seinfeld, "What's the deal with all these catalogs?" The Friday before Halloween I went out to my mailbox to find it stuffed with catalogs. I seriously had about five pounds of mail that day. And so it began...

Now, each day I break out my forklift and head on down to the mailbox for my daily catalog flog. L.L.Bean, Hickory Farms, Athleta, Pottery Barn, Pottery Barn Kids, Pottery Barn Dogs...okay I made that last one up, but you get it. By the way, am I the only person in the world who is not on the Pottery Barn bandwagon? I feel like it. I have to wonder how I got on the mailing lists for some of these. Boston Proper? Mrs. Fields? I mean, I used to know that ordering from the Victoria's Secret catalog was a sure-fire way of ensuring I'd get at least three catalogs a week from them, and who knows how many people they sold my information to? But now, I do so much online shopping, there's no telling.

I think it's hilarious that most catalogs still include a mail order form. It brings back memories of when I used to do that in high school. Of course, back then I also got to ask my mom for a check to pay for it too. Does that still work? Mom, can I have a check for $242.78? I just bought some stuff at Ann Taylor. No? Kiss your what?

Not all of the hundreds of catalogs I've gotten have gone straight into the trash. Here are a few of the ones that are in my pile to look at sometime before Christmas...or right away.

• St. Jude Children's Hospital Gift Book: Give a gift AND give to charity. It has lots of great ideas for those people you just want to get "a little something" for.
• Nordstrom: Need I say more?
• Sundance: I had never heard of this one, but I was intrigued because the brand is owned by Robert Redford. Really beautiful clothing and jewelry...a bit out of my price range though.
• Eddie Bauer and L.L. Bean: These clothes aren't really my style, but I love looking through the catalogs and wishing I lived in a place where I actually needed those warm, cozy clothes...at least for a month or so. Know what I mean? My dad is a big fan of the Eddie Bauer button downs though, whenever I'm at a loss for what to buy him (which is always) I know I can fall back on that.
• Initials, Inc.: Full disclosure here, I didn't get one of these catalogs in the mail. I ran across these products at a craft sale and loved them enough to host a party (it's a Scentsy-like business, but with bags and stuff that are all personalizable). The stuff is really cute, so if you're interested in ordering, use the link I provided and get your order in by Friday, November 11. So okay, this mention is a little self serving, but I really do like the products and would have totally saved the catalog had it come in the mail.

Are you feeling the catalog flog too? Any really great catalogs out there I should (or shouldn't) be getting? Oh, and on a marginally related note, the people one street over from me have their Christmas lights up and ON. They've had them up since November 2. Too. Soon.

And with that, I say, "Good day dear readers!"

My Texas

My blogging friend Camila Knowles asked me to write some thoughts about My Texas, which she will share as part of a series on her own blog, Mattornety Life. Camila was part of my inspiration to start a blog of my own, so of course I was happy to oblige. She started her blog about four years ago and in the past year has done an amazing job of posting several times a week. Considering she leads a busy life as a working mother of two, I could certainly keep up with a blog as a nonworking mother of one! I'll save the excuses and apologies as to why I haven't gotten off to the greatest start in that area and move straight into My Texas....

The first thing that came to mind when I began to think about My Texas was the heat. I couldn't help it. It's not very exciting or interesting, but coming off of one of the hottest summers ever here, it's a natural topic. As we've endured the Epic Summer of 2011 with record heat and very little rain, I've often thought of my relatives "up North" in Iowa and Minnesota. I realized that in Texas (and other Southern states too) we have a reverse winter. In most parts of the country people get cabin fever during the winter because they're homebound due to the weather. In Texas, we get cabin fever during the summer. Sure, we don't have a foot of snow literally keeping us homebound. In all honesty, it's just plain good sense that keeps us inside. Who wants to do anything outside when it's 105 degrees? I'm outside three minutes and I'm already sportin' super sexy sweat mustache.

Another important part of My Texas is pride. I've not heard of any other state whose people feel anywhere close to the amount of pride Texans feel in their state. Do people from other states fly their state flags as much as Texans? Is there such thing as Oklahoma country music? For the most part, this pride is a great thing, but I can understand that to some it's probably a little annoying. There is one small subset that really annoys me. Those people who go around with the "Secede" stickers, shirts, etc. Granted, they are few and far between, but there is certainly a presence of those around here. Most people just laugh it off, but personally, I find it very unpatriotic. We are Americans first. In all honesty, I think most of the people who support the secede movement are too stupid to even realize that it displays anything but ignorant Texas pride. Want proof? About a year ago I saw one of them driving around with "SECEED" on her license plate. Really? You can't even spell check your personalized license plate?

So finally, this is what My Texas looks like. Even our miserably hot summers are bearable on days spent lounging (or chasing a toddler) at the lake. With a refreshing Florida Special in hand and a gentle breeze coming off the water, it's pretty nice. Not familiar with a Florida Special? You probably aren't if you haven't hung out with me and my husband. It's his concoction of vodka, Fresca and a splash of OJ (hence the Florida part, but yes, right about now I'm wishing he'd named it a Texas Special). Here is Our Texas, his mom's place on Lake Worth.

My Texas also wouldn't be complete without some Horned Frog football! My husband and I are both proud TCU alums and look forward to football and tailgating every year. Here we are enjoying one of our favorite things with some of our favorite people. Granted, football season is a lot more fun when your team is doing well (and ours is), but who doesn't love the atmosphere at a college football game?

 My little family

 My daughter with Uncle Steve

At the Fiesta Bowl with sorority sisters Liz and Lindsey

Cheering on the Frogs at the Rose Bowl

I apologize if this is over picture sharing, but don't you find that when you're looking at pictures of good times, it's hard to narrow it down to just one or two?

If this was a paper for school, I'd probably end with something like, "In conclusion, My Texas is about heat, pride, football and fun." But this isn't school, so I'll just end with this...isn't My Texas awesome?

Just Wait 'Til...

With school starting yesterday for many people, I know a lot of parents out there feeling a little bit wistful about their babies growing up. Whether it's the first day of kindergarten, the first day of high school or anywhere inbetween, it's an important new beginning every year. And with that new beginning comes the need to commiserate. We all need to do it on occasion. Whether it's something we're dealing with at work, a tough time with our kids or significant other, sore muscles from a new workout routine or whatever is challenging us at the time. Everyone has a need to just sit down and vent and whine to a friend willing to lend a sympathetic ear. But I'm curious, does anyone else get as incredibly annoyed as I do when that friend begins his/her response with the phrase "Just wait 'til..." That phrase is almost never followed with something positive like, "Just wait 'til your daughter is potty trained and then you'll save tons of money on diapers and pull ups." No, it's usually something like, "You think potty training is frustrating? Just wait 'til she is potty trained and then you have to make a mad dash to the bathroom everywhere you go." Or, "Your kid is cute now, but just wait 'til she turns 11 and is embarrassed of everything you do."

Yes, most of my examples are from parents commiserating about parenting things because I think we are the absolute worst offenders of this. There are continuous ups and downs during the parenting experience, but why do we feel the need to tell other parents of how it gets worse? What's with the one-upping? Why can't we just let someone express their frustration and just nod along or offer helpful suggestions and words of encouragement? This makes me think of the It Gets Better Movement, which began following a startling number of suicides amongst GLBT teens. Most of us are probably familiar with it, but if you're not, it's a collection of user-submitted videos featuring celebrities and everyday people sharing words of encouragement about how life gets better after the bullying and general anxiety about fitting in during high school. Why can't everyone do this for each other?

We're all guilty of it. I'm sure I've done it, but soon after I had my daughter I discovered how often we use this phrase. Let's all try to be a little more mindful of how discouraging these words are. Next time a friend is commiserating about a challenge he or she is facing, resist the urge to say anything that begins with the phrase "Just wait 'til..." Instead, remember the golden rule and find something encouraging to say.

Is this thing on?

I have wanted to start a blog for a very long time and have let too many minute things stop me. I've thought, "I can't create a blog now, I don't have a good name for it." Or, "I can't start posting yet, I need a better design." True, the design as of this date (8/18/2011) does kind of look like I'm hawking Massengil or something, but those are all totally lame excuses. Acceptable real excuses might include:

1) I have a 2-ton boulder sitting on my legs and I cannot reach my computer.
2) I am too busy filming my reality show about my collection of Barbie shoes.
3) I am currently living in Siberia and don't have a reliable internet connection.
4) I have nothing to say.

None of these things is true for me; therefore, here I am, sharing my first, albiet somewhat pointless, post. I actually have a whole list of ideas piling up of things I want to talk about. I love cooking, especially baking, so I'll definitely share a few posts on recipes I've tried. I'm a writer and marketer by profession (although since I'm not currently working I may have to give up my pro status for the time being), so expect an occasional rant on advertising I love or hate and the current sad state of our grammatical affairs. And I'm a mom and trophy wife, so I'm sure I'll have some funny little anecdotes about daily life.

So, where did "The Trophy Wife Life" come from? Well, I left my job a few months ago and decided to take some time off instead of rushing off to find more work. I've not had more than three weeks off of work since I graduated college (not counting maternity leave...glorious maternity leave). Between not working and having my daughter in school part time, it took some time to adjust to the extra free time. I was filling out some forms out one day and needed something to enter in the occupation box and well, I just wrote in "trophy wife." Sure, something like "stay at home mom" would have been fine, but I wanted something a little more fun than that. By the way, why is it that stay at home moms feel so defensive about it? When asked "what do you do?" some women seem to respond as if someone asking what they do with their time is a totally unacceptable question or as if raising children isn't a totally important job. I think about half of working moms would tell you they'd love to stay at home if the budget allowed. We should consider ourselves lucky!!

Okay, enough for now. This was a totally crappy post, but I needed to start somewhere and quit with the excuses. Expect more (and better!!) posts from me in the future and don't forget to click Follow so you can keep up with "The Trophy Wife Life!"